Be Selfish

I used to blog frequently up to about 18 months ago.

Then, life seemed to get in the way. Nevermind that writing is core to what I'm trying to achieve...I simply did not have time to organize my thoughts into 500-1000 word snippets for friends, colleagues and family to read.

It's been a CRAZY 18 months, by the way. A time when perhaps sitting down to write my thoughts for a few minutes might have helped me.

But no regrets now! What's done is done.

Now is time to make a new commitment- to thought organization, to communication, to writing.

To be completely honest, it was more than just being busy that prevented me from writing. It was a period of academic (and probably a bit of personal) depression.

The realization of how lonely (very very lonely) doing a doctorate can be for someone like me hit me...HARD. And I didn't like it.

I love working with people, being a part of something bigger than myself. A common theme has come through all my advice from those who have come before me.

"Be selfish."

Selfish?!?

That word isn't really in my vocabulary. I mean, sure, I've read the Fountainhead and I'm aware of the ideas of Ayn Rand, but it all seems a bit extreme.

I guess I started being selfish last year, when I decided to take my research in an entirely new direction, with a new supervisor. (Yeah, I haven't blogged about that experience yet...maybe soon).

However, in my heart, it always feels a bit strange, to just focus on this one little project that really only I care about (and probably will be the only person in the future to care about).

I've got 15 months left until I am meant to submit the best thing I've ever written. I've got tons of data I need to collect, literature to review, research questions to formulate and critism to take on the chin. It all seems a bit impossible.

However, I've got a few key individuals (I'm hoping you know who you are) who are my support in this. I'm counting on them to remind me, when the going gets tough in this game called research....I'm going to have to be (a little) selfish.